Friday, October 3, 2008
being ongyingxin. i bloghopped.
saw a page that dealt a double blow.
i saw you 'happy' for once these few days.
in a place i probably didnt expect to see the happiness at.
since according to you. you and her, 'its over'
have things changed.
although everything felt right earlier this week,
maybe its just like before.
an effect like spirit gum,
no more than temporary.
i dont think you'll even see this.
once again. im lost.
because, i never really got an answer from you.
though i tried asking what are we now.
every try will lead to a change in topic. a moment of silence.
what now?
maybe its really retribution. i ended up here. screwing up my future. with a screwed up social circle. with 'friends' who obviously hate me yet pretend. probably for your sake. but no its not your fault. its just me and me that screwed up everything. nevertheless. it's again naive of me to think they actually shrugged the prejudice against me.
like my previous blog.
i've given up.
not too long ago. you made me find faith in myself.
now. faith fades away just as you do.
so what easier way to put it.
i've given up. on myself.
i've given up on my ability to salvage anything because it just seems i cant.
as i said. if you step away now. it'll hurt much less. as much as i hope im being paranoid. i cant tell. because right now. im just lost. so if by the miracle of God. you see this post. please give me an answer you never gave. reply something left there since a month ago. or something that would mean a hell lot to me. a simple honest answer.
rants you never saw @ 9:46 PM